The Answer Is Love, Always.

Yes, another photo of my portrait chair, but this blog is about my latest friend who I’ll refer to as ‘L’ who I photographed last week.

‘L’ has a terminal illness. She’s in her mid 30’s and has a family.

I didn’t know ‘L’ before the shoot, but had been approached by a mutual friend who knew I’d get photos of ‘L’, not glossy far removed from reality photos, but real ones of her that captured her essence, as apparently ‘L’ didn’t posses any photos of herself she felt were nice.

But she did , she just didn't know it and I’ll come to that in a mo.

So as I was mooching about in the studio prepping for ‘L’s arrival and trying to get into the mindset of how to approach this particular shoot , I turned one of the studio lights on that lit what I call my portrait chair.

For a few seconds I glanced at it and thought on how I’d pose ‘L’ . How I’d connect to her in the circumstances she found herself in.

We would have a connection. My father died last year of cancer. As had an aunt. Also a very close friend lost his young sister to the same.

But how to connect to a ‘stranger’ facing up to her diagnosis. To ask her to bare her soul to me through the lens?

The chair was lit. but I felt it was different today. The chair is an innate object. It’s present. Not going anywhere. It’ll do its job. I reminded myself I’ve just got to do mine - but move about a bit of course.

Then it occurred to me that chair in some way was like a home. People move in and move out.

Like a house holds many memories for people , the chair will briefly see people take up home briefly whilst I capture that split second of time in their lives. Deep I know, but true.

For a little while it’ll host someones presence before they move onto the next moment /chapter of their lives

So just be in the moment I thought. Don’t overthink it.

I picked up the camera and looked at the chair imagining ‘L’ being there.

And this is where I bring ‘L’s fear she didn’t have a decent photo of herself into this story.

Prior to the shoot I’d been sent one black and white headshot of ‘L’ to give me any idea of how she looked.

It was of a beautiful women, in the prime of her life, I couldn't quite put my finger on it , but it conveyed a strength but at the same time a vulnerability.

Instinctively I composed my camera for the chair, knowing how I wanted the resulting image to look like. I imagined 'L' in that chair and would seek to capture the vibe I sensed in that photo I'd been sent.

‘L’ arrived at the studio. Whilst she was nervous (she’d not been into an environment like that before), she oozed a feeling of peace. She made me feel at ease instantly. Shouldn’t that be the other way around I thought?

We chatted. She was very open about her story and what she was yet to face and how she felt about that. We chatted and chatted for ages (!) Then came time to take the photos.

When ‘L’ emerged from the green room I knew this was going to be easy. She emerged like a boxer about to enter the ring. Bursting with nervous energy.

She looked me in the eye and said she was ok , she was up for it, but was still a little apprehensive about some aspects of her looks.

But I dismissed that apprehension with some choice swear words (she’s a London girl and could out do a drunken sailor in that department too) and that was it.

Flash Flash Flash. She rocked the shoot!! She felt great afterwards.

It was then that I asked who took the photo I’d been sent pre shoot. She said she had. It was a self portrait taken after her final diagnosis to reflect her mood. It shook me a little. It was all there to be seen in that photo.

There in her eyes, her composure, her fears, yet it had a strength.

I’d sensed it before the shoot and I told her that this was a self portrait that should be the most treasured of all the photos she has for her family.

A portrait can tell you so much if you care to slow down and look.

After the shoot we chatted more. We agreed we’d do more photos as due to her friend having the sense of direction of a dizzy fly, our studio time had been curtailed a little - not helped by our chatting of course.

When I got home and downloaded the photo of the chair, I knew that when the studio closes, this one picture will define my time in there and the day I met the amazing ‘L’.

As we parted ways, ‘L’ told me the way she deals with her emotions, the waves of ups and downs and what awaits her was by by telling herself this.

“The Answer is Love, Always”